I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
