i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
