Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'd cum for enchiladas.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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