If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
