what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
