He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
