Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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