he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
