i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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