I am puke
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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