Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm at about main and main street
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
