listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
