Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
