BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
