and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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