i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
