I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
