Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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