why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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