Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
