escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
