Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
