When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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