I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
