If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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