I hate all girls vehemently.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
third nipple confirmed
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
