all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
