I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
