A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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