Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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