Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My bed smells like the plague
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
