tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
That accounts for only three of the penises
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
