my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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