And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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