Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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