Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Fuck appropriateness.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
