he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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