Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
