2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
