Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
