Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
