you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
