So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
