this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
We named our party play list daddy issues
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
