What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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