Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
