I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
