i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
