what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
