I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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