3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
