Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
