y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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