How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I want her autograph on my taint
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
