Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
