McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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